The dog I walked today was a Rottweiler mix just recently named Shadow. There's something about the appearance of these kinds of dogs that immediately give me a "Will it try to bite my arm off?" kind of twitch. Shadow turned out to be a pretty good dog, except for the fact that he was really strong and initially pulled on the leash A LOT. He's probably the only dog that came close to pulling me off my feet, but being the female Hercules I am (mwahah!) I managed to hang in there.Things were going well...until I tried to beat him at his own game. Since he kept pulling, I thought I could match him by jogging along with him (besides, I have some sushi rolls that have yet to be burned off from my tummy!). There I was, leisurely jogging and working up a sweat while Shadow jogged ahead of me, until I realized that somehow, the leash loop had slipped off my hand, and was dragging on the ground farther and farther ahead of me as Shadow caught on that I wasn't holding him back any longer. "Shadow!" I shrieked, trying to pick up my speed, but if there's anything I'm slow at, it's running, and dogs in general can hoof it pretty fast. Luckily, another girl managed to grab him before he could make an escape. Unluckily for me, this is the second time I've accidently dropped the leash! Gah! I fear I'm developing a reputation for losing dogs. Perhaps I'll be the first volunteer fired from the SPCA for not being able to walk a dog properly :(
Lastly, something for all pet appreciators and owners: The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required. The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door: TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS: (1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly. Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ..
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